Becoming a grown up.

Today marks the beginning of a new era for me.  No.  More.  Overtime.

Last week I was able to bounce my frustrations off of my chipped mug friend, Sherri.

Me, “I just can’t say ‘no’ to something if I don’t have a good excuse.  I’ll feel guilty if I don’t have an excuse.  I need something outside of me to blame so that I don’t feel like I’m personally disappointing someone.  I hate disappointing people.  Do you have any advice on the matter?”  Then I plopped another piece of sushi in my mouth. 

No, she did not have advice on the matter.  Apparently we have similar strengths and weaknesses; and this people-satisfying, self-suffocating tendency runs in both of our veins.  However her listening ear sufficed because I was able to hear myself say things like, “When will I be able to make a grown up decision just because it’s a good decision?  Why do I always have to wait until I'm backed into a decision and I snap?”

Did I mention that I have a wonderful boss?

After praying about my decision, mentally rehearsing our conversation and then getting jitters all over again, last week I finally explained to my boss my need to pull back my hours from the insane craziness to the regular craziness.  Do you know that she was so understanding?  In addition to that, do you know that my clients have been so understanding?  (I have wonderful clients… even the wobbily bobbily ones.)

Today is the first Tuesday in probably four or five months that I worked a normal eight hours instead of 11 or 12.  So what did I do with my free evening?  Well, this time I visited Sherri and sat on the listening end of her life.  I didn’t have much advice.  Sometimes it helps to just hear yourself talk.